It’s never easy dealing with rejection. Rejection is painful because we all have a basic human need to belong. When we experience rejection–especially from those who, for whatever reason, matter to us, we can get very badly hurt.
Did you have a recent experience of rejection? Do you recall how that made you feel?
Rejection is even tougher today–especially for young people–because it’s so hard to fit in with all that’s going on in social media. The added pressure on the youth is evident in the findings of the 2017 McCann study “The Truth about the Youth.” Over 11,000 young people from the ages of 16 to 30 from all around the world were asked about the effect of seeing the posts of their friends on social media.
Half of them admitted to feeling inadequate when they see their friends’ posts.
This contemporary phenomenon is called “social media envy,” and many people–as well as adults–fall prey to it. Thanks to social media, today we live in what The Guardian has called “The Age of Envy.”
With social media, so many of us work so hard at “fitting in,” but according to American research Brene Brown, fitting in is not the same as belonging. “Fitting in” is about you wanting to be part of a group, while belonging is about others wanting you to be part of their group.
In short, we don’t need to work so hard at belonging the way we work so hard at fitting in–often at the cost of being true to ourselves. We need only to show up.
Here’s what Brene Brown has to say about the dangers of our obsession with fitting in. Ask yourself if it applies to you in any way.
“In fact, fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in, I’ve discovered during the past decade of research, is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them.
“Belonging is something else entirely—it’s showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are… Many us suffer from this split between who we are and who we present to the world in order to be accepted, (Take it from me: I’m an expert fitter-inner!) But we’re not letting ourselves be known, and this kind of incongruent living is soul-sucking.”
We detect this difference between fitting in and belonging most clearly in our Lord’s disposition and behavior on Holy Thursday night. He may suffer utter rejection from others, but He is able to deal with it because He knows that more than fitting in, what matters is to belong. And while he clearly may not fit in with this crowd, He knows He belongs to the Father.
We also believe that we, as beloved children of God, all of us belong to the Father. But given human nature, it often does not matter as much as fitting in with people we, for whatever reason, value and long to be a part of–because of their status perhaps, because of what they stand for, because of opportunities that we might get if we are identified with them…
Do you ever feel this tension between fitting in and belonging? Between trying to be someone “acceptable” and your true self, between seeming and being?
Spend time reflecting on the following questions:
Examining the way you are living your life, what seems to matter more to you: fitting in with some “IN” crowd even if sometimes it means “twisting yourself into some human pretzel”–or belonging to God and being your authentic self?
Where do you tend to spend more time and energy on?
What are some baby steps you can take to focus more on belonging?
For the duration of the instrumental piece, spend some time thinking about these lessons about belonging, fitting in, and rejection.
Feel free to share your thoughts below before you move on to the NEXT page.
98 replies on “DEALING WITH REJECTION”
The pain of rejection. Silent rejection Wherein, I don’t know what I did wrong to be left behind. No explanation or whatsoever. That pain is killing me.
Why do people have to leave without even notifying the other person?
Lord it is tough to be rejected. Many times, as I think about my life, the world I live in pushes me toward the direction of trying to fit in almost unwittingly. I forget Lord. Forgive me. Nudge me constantly when I stray from you.
It is truly painful to be rejected most especially by the ones you love. I really didnt care if i fit in but i like to belong somewhere, where you feel you are wanted. I have felt rejection many times and being left out. Now im in the phase i dont want to care for them anymore.
I feel so inadequate due to the lost of my husband. I’m aching inside and out.
This is so TRUE!!
The pain of REJECTION often leads to that two-opposite directions: way to Fitting-In and way to Belonging.
I also experience rejections; in and out of my family, friends, colleagues at workplace, relationships. When I’m tired of all “these” things, i take a REST and let the world goes on, after all, God is the only REAL above everything.
Feeling socially inadequate so I mount a facade.
Feeling class-inadequate ( fashion, beauty, travels, social class )
Thank goodness I am nota fitter-inner, though I have to admit I have this pinch of passive aggression in me.
People pleaser, that’s what I am. Even to point neglecting my own convictions.
Growing up, I always felt like the odd man out, the one who didn’t fit in. While I didn’t always pander to a group to fit in, it definitely did happen. But as I’ve grown older, I became more and more tired of it and I realized that these groups that I’d have to fit into were not groups of people desiring to pursue the good, but quite the opposite. I decided to forge my own path and I realize that I’m comfortable being my and I only need to belong to God. Doing so, I’ve found that by being true to who I am as a child of God doesn’t develop as many relationships with people, but those that I do develop have been much closer and enriching than those that come from forcing relationships by trying to fit in could ever become.
i change because i frsred rejection… and yet i was taken forgranted…
No problems with fitting in. Don’t care. But more importantly, do I deserve to belong? Am I doing enough to have been accepted? Priorities and and the temptation of just doing enough.
I have always had an issue of the feeling of not being accepted. As a result i grew up trying to please everyone, trying to go anything and everything for someone when they ask me. It does not allow me to say NO and it became too tiring. I also have a very anxious mind and i often think people around me don’t like me genuinely and that they are just being polite and kind that’s why they befriend me.
Sometimes even with my own family, I experience rejection, for being the outspoken one – the one who speaks her mind. These rejections have pushed me to seek belongingness elsewhere, in a community that is built on Christ, but that is just me being tempted by pain, the pain of facing the truth about my family. It’s a challenge but baby steps to maturity, loving kindness and being no judgmental can help me along the way the path of belonging and being authentic to myself. I chose to be kind when rejected, even when it hurts, it triggers an anger response, etc. At the end of the day, it’s about me and Christ.
I know I belong to God and that He loves me unconditionally. The problem is because I feel so secure in His love I tend to take it for granted. I am a spoiled child and I need help to become more mature in my relationship with Him. I need to spend more time with Him, to focus on Him and be less distracted by the temptations in the world.
I basically gave up on myself , life and trying to fit in . I conceded defeat , preferring to be alone and not do anything, hide from people and life.
Too much insecurity , fear of being rejected and made fun of , ridiculed just like what I experienced growing up as my family tends to be negative and not nurturing- had to fight off the practice of being uncaring and lacking communication with my own children. To do to them as what I have gone through. Thank God that despite some initial struggles, He keeps on giving me chances with my relationship with my kids , God even takes care of them for me . I am so thankful and praying that this continues.
I’m happy that my kids seem to be more confident and self assured to face the world and the rejection that it sometimes brings. My sons and daughter with God’s grace are more socially adjusted , happier , and relate better to people and life .
I still have so much to work on myself though . I want to be more involved in a religous community and be less afriad to live as God wants me to .
I feel rejected so many times kaya natatakot ako sa sariling ako. Lahat ginagawa ko to “fit-in” pero at the end of the day hindi ko kilala ang sarili ko.
Today, gusto ko na magpahinga. I want to belong to Christ pero nahihirapan padin ako dahil madalas to be belong with Christ, hindi ako magiging “in” sa mga tao sa paligid ko.
Lord, please grant me the grace na paglabanan lahat ng ito. Alam ko sa iyo at tanging sa iyo lamang ako makakaramdam ng kapayapaan..
You know you belong when you feel good about yourself with the people you are with. You develope a sense of joy and fulfillment because they affirm and encourage you.
Why am so worried. Have a feeling that i will be rejected soon because of not hitting my target. I want to fit in with the group but am having difficulty. Everyday, I always pray and seek our Lord’s guidance and strength.
I belong to God. He is my Father, who accepts me in spite of my shortcomings and failures. He loves me unconditionally. This is more than enough.
I belong to God,,,I am a child of God accept me for who I am unique different from a my body else and I must learn to accept others for who they are and their unique contributions to the society we live in.
I felt rejected many times by my students. I tried to fit in according to their ideal teacher. Now, I realized that yes, I need to develop more, learn more, and grow more so that I will be better. I should not be hurt. What matter more is that I am doing the best I can to serve them.
Thank you for the reminder that I belong to God. Always and forever. I don’t have that many friends. I find it hard to fit in. The few friends I have are very dear to me. Right now I am going through a friendship disillusionment which may or may not lead to friendship breakup. I feel jealous and envious of the new connections my friend has made. I don’t feel welcome in that other world and I feel the rejection very deeply. We have helped each other through some difficult moments and enjoyed wonderful times together. I also fear betrayal because I have opened up and made myself completely vulnerable to this decades-long friendship. Big mistake. I truly fear the newly revealed loose tongue that accompanies this person. How did I miss that? Oh Lord have mercy, guide me if fraternal correction is needed, or do I just quietly fade away from the friendship? Dear Lord, please grant me wisdom and discernment to decide on which action to take. Amen.
Thank u for the reminder that if there is anyone we should aim to always please, it is God. I have to accept that there would be times that, without my fault, I will experience rejection or displease others. When this happens, I should check my self pity.
Lord I want to belong to God and be me. I would like to use all the gifts you’ve given me for the glory of your kingdom. The first baby step is to follow your will
I had experienced being rejected since I was in grade school. I suffered a lot that it even made feel so insecure. I felt that I have nothing on my own to boast off. Having attended a lot of annimations and retreats I was able to regain self-worth. Though still struggling from time to time but I am convinced that God loved me so much no matter who am I.
Even at a young age, i never felt the need to change myself just to “fit in” or just to get the approval of other people. I was always a believer of just being my authentic self— didnt really care what i looked or what others thought abt me—- all that mattered was i was being the person God wanted me to be, and that I was following His Will, regardless if it was not cool or not impressive with other people. Lately, i have been wondering if i should be less vocal in social media about my political views, especially my criticisms of the present govt. Most of my other Catholic friends and relatives have chosen to not express anything politically related in social media—- not sure if they think it’s not cool to do so, or if they’re just playing it safe and dont want to get in any trouble, or i they are just being apathetic and dont care at all about anything outside of themselvrs. Now this reflection has answered my question. I dont need to be quiet to fit in with them or to be quiet just to avoid being attacked by trolls for talking about my convictions about what is right and wrong. Jesus is telling me “i should not be sleeping like his disciples did”. I should not fall into the temptation of doing nothing just to avoid conflict and rejection. I am going to continue speaking up for Jesus and speaking up against values that go against His teachings because thats what faithful followers of Jesus must do
I want to belong to my many groups- my cousins, my high school friends, my very successful college friends. And I am envious of them especially when I know they go out without even inviting me.
I am post break-up with a best friend who judged me. I am accepting the loss of another best friend who lives abroad. I am accepting not seeing a college friend who has more business friendships now. I am envious of competitors who post about their successful businesses, travels, and happy families.
I ache to belong.
And when I do, I do not appreciate who I have, and who actually want me to belong to them. Why are they not enough?
The devil is powerful. He wants us to feel we are not enough, that we do not have enough.
Christ’s grace is enough. May I dwell in that truth. Lord, help me.
I don’t even try to fit in anymore, been doing that since grade school, high school, college.. Just want to be happy in my own diin as I have experienced several rejections spreads in the past
For many years, I thought I had belonged and struggled to fit in by emphasizing on the points I thought I have advantages. I am not beautiful in the world’s standards– but I am bright and I had chosen to emphasized that, while neglecting my need to be loved for who i am. When I failed in the aspect of brilliance and being successful, it hurt to be rejected by people who you loved the most and who had tried to mold you for who they want you to be- rather than who you should be.
It was much later, after being broken, that I learned there will be people, even though you do not share the same blood, who would love you for the way you are meant to be.
I have always been seeking God for many years. Noong una tuwing Sunday o may mga pagsubok lamang, ngayon ay mas masidhi at continuously aware ako. Confident ako to learn how more i can know, love, and serving Him more.
Lord pls keep this fire of love in me ffor You burning until i finally meet you in Paradise.
One thing I learned recently is that no one is spared from rejection because people are not always loving or friendly. You may be older and wiser and still get rejected.
The natural responses to every rejection are to get hurt and to try to fit in. There’s something in our design that simply wants to belong to a group of people. Rejection seems unacceptable. We are made to commune and relate anyway. Problem is, in our great desire to fit in, who we truly are becomes at risk. We change who we truly are to who others want or expect us to be. We think at first that it’s “cool” to be our “new selves,” but eventually, we will get tired and confused. We will find ourselves asking what actually went wrong.
This is the time when we will realize that we have forgotten to value who we truly are…that we do belong to God, just as we are. That before we even desired to fit in in that group we wanted to be part of, He already desired and longed to be with us. And that is what truly matters – we belong to Him as He belongs to us. We are His as He is ours.
I have learned to be content to belong to God no matter what state I am in internally. But it took decades of discerning that it was different from belonging to a group of people who loved God and imposed very strict rules of how to show my commitment to my faith (ex. wearing/not wearing certain clothing that are wholesome but not acceptable due to literal Bible references). Through the guidance of a spiritual adviser, I was freed from my skewed understanding of how a life of faith should be lived.
I’m no longer bothered by the need to fit in or to belong. I just put myself in and see whether people will accept me or not. What pains me is being rejected by the people close to you at times when you need their help the most.
It didn’t really matter to me if people like me or not. What matters if those people I love accept me for who I am.
There was a time though, that I thought this person loved me for who I am. Turns out he didn’t. Just friends, he said.
The feeling of rejection was overwhelming that I succumbed to anxiety for almost one year. I let this feeling define who I am until it was affecting my studies and my work.
It wasn’t until I learned that it was not the rejection by my reaction to the rejection that was triggering my anxiety. I learned that I can’t seem to control this emotional response because throughout my life, I was accepted. I never felt rejection.
I am still learning how to control my anxieties. Hopefully this online retreat will help.
Coming from another culture is quite difficult because you just don’t “fit in”. Yes, I’ve felt rejection a lot of times but it takes a while for people to accept you for who you are. When I feel rejected by people around me, I still felt I really belonged to someone more powerful, and that is God. When I feel lonely, I often turn to Him and then I know I am not alone.
My desire to belong seems to get out of hand that I became self-righteous already. Fitting in was never my priority, but then, my pride gets the best out of me. What you see is what you get, never mindful of what other people will say. But Lord, You showed us that to belong, means to be humble enough, to die to yourself so others will see Your greatness.
I think I should be more discerning of the groups of people whom I should belong to first.
The harder I try to please others, the lonelier I become. Accepting myself as God’s gift can be the first step to love my own person – and stop expecting others to love me first…
Belonging is what really matters especially if it is for God and the group is for God. This is our true self and sometimes because of it we are rejected since we are different from them. They want us to fit in with them even if we know it is not the right thing to do.
I offer my collection of rejections and disappointments to You, Lord. I know mine is nothing compared to what Jesus have been through.
I pray to focus more of my time, talent and treasure to God’s work so that I will be pleasing in His eyes and belong in Him all the days of my life.
I’ve learned the hard way about fitting in. But now I am slowly learning to love & live by my authentic selves. And having Jesus as my friend is enough and that I am worthy
I am about to make a life changing decision and what hindered me at first was rejection or fear of people to hating me. But the next day, the Lord answered my prayers and has blessed me with graces to proceed with my decision
Fitting in is not my way, belongingness is what i hope for, since rejection frequently experienced therefore to belong is what i alwys wanted. To belong in a sense that i am accepted of who i am. It hurts me deep when rejection strikes…the hurts build up each instance rejection encountered. Painful yet struggling…this is the batyltle i am currently fighting then
I think I’m done with the “fitting in”,
I was once so lost because of my urge to be part and accepted by people. I made so many unpleasant things just to fit in and be accepted but in the end I was still left alone and more lost.
Now, I know God gave me my second chance to belong to Him alone. I don’t need to pretend and do things to make other people like and accept me, for us long as I am following God I know I will not be lost again.
Yung sabihan ka na gawin ang isang bagay, tapos wala palang value, and worse, it caused another person to be rejected and to feel hurt.
Sometimes, knowing when you’re being patronized, comes too late.
I think i’ve given up on fitting in with the crowd. Upon entering college, you seem to just float away from everything and everyone then later on, find yourself alone.
I know that I don’t really belong anywhere else either. I have yet to find people who truly wishes my presence. If belonging is to “have others wanting you to be part of your group” then even that I feel is impossible for me to feel.
I have been rejected many times. Often, I keep those things to myself. It’s the pride getting in the way of me telling my parents what really happens in my life when the bad times hit. When the night comes and all those bad memories come flooding back, crying myself to sleep seems to be the only ideal situation at that moment. I pray and I pray. Asking what should I change? If changing who I am is what will give me friends then how could I be authentically myself then?
I’ve never truly found real friends. If so, just a few whom I would like to interact with individually rather than as a group – others are just there to add more names to the list. Most have left me, either me being the toxic one or them betraying me one way or another. Somehow, as my birthday celebration nears, I find myself alone not knowing who to invite because they are all temporary. Maybe it’s the feeling like I don’t have a constant.
Even if I belong to the Lord, it’s not easy knowing I don’t belong anywhere else.
I do know that I don’t have to contort myself in various ways and shapes but it is difficult knowing that whatever shape I already am in does not fit anywhere. Maybe my standards are too high, maybe I just think differently but for whatever reason, I just don’t think I belong anywhere – even if I know how to fit in everywhere.
How do the rules of authenticity change when you’re part of an organization with its own rules and traditions?
Before, I always tried to fit in. Since I feel like I’m always on a different page with everybody else, I became people pleaser. I struggled and suffered as I boxed myself just to fit in. I ran after people, tirelessly. I stayed even if its toxic already. I settled for less thinking this is what I deserve. I always felt I’m not chosen because I’m just a mediocre person. Also, I considered myself broken and dirty because of past abuse.
But now, I’m rebelling to this way. Through my healing, I’m starting to say and live with the thought: “It’s okay to be me. I am God’s precious daughter too. Jesus died for me and love me unconditionally.” Sometimes, I still feel not enough and scared and insecure but by God’s grace, my heart is consoled.
For me, I try to compromise between fitting in and belonging. Because in fitting in, I try to get into what the rest of the world likes for their acceptance but there are things in my life and in myself that I’d like to keep and stay true to in order that my truest natures and who I really am in the flesh and the spirit stay unaffected and I want people to accept me for who I am.
However, oftentimes, rejection comes in and plays its game and it questions these two. Is it that my fitting in isn’t working? Maybe there are things that they do that I don’t like and it shows, therefore they reject me? Maybe, I don’t belong there because they just can’t accept me for who I am and the positives & negatives about me that I have.
It’s always hard to try and either fit in and belong when you just want acceptance from people which is why I really try to compromise for both scenarios. I just pray that God will help me make the right choices and that I may understand that belonging in him is the most important part in my life always
Rejection by circumstance can also be as painful as rejection by actual people… and in a sense, this could be more difficult to overcome because there is no one to convince… but you spend your entire life wishing to be that pretzel that won’t contort
I don’t try to fit it.. but I spend much time and energy in hiding. For fear of not belonging and being disliked/rejected by others, I spend more time just being with myself than showing up, and letting others get to know me. I’m too afraid to be seen. I become too comfortable with hiding in the shadows, singing and speaking softer than my actual true voice, slouching instead of standing tall and proud, not expressing myself – in terms of fashion, desires, likes, opinions and ideas, emotions.. I camouflage myself. I hide. A small part of me wants to just sing out loud, be ME, and allow others to get to know and love me.. but a bigger part of me wants me to just sit in the shadows and be content with that.
I can say that I have successfully detach myself from longing to get material things to fit in, to be one of them, because the truth is, nobody cares since a lot of people already has those things, it really doesn’t matter if you have it or not. Choose your crowd, avoid the ones that put pressure on you!
You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone by the material things you possess.
Rejection is difficult for me. I grew up in a family whose members invalidate each other even now as adults. I strive now to do away with fitting in. Authenticity is more liberating.
I’m treated like a pariah in my family due to the choices I made in the past. I try to ignore and keep my focus in my Lord and Savior. But trials make wonder why the rest of my family, who tend to be superficial Catholics, seem to get breaks in life and seem happy.
Before, I admit I’ve always tried to “fit in”, hide my true self from other people, because I thought this would help me “belong”. Especially with someone I was interested in romantically, I tried to mold my likes and dislikes based on what that person was interested in.
But I’ve come to realize through the years that I was happier being who I really was, instead of someone I was not. I like that distinction between “fitting in” and “belonging”, and it makes so much more sense now.
I do have to admit, though, that it still makes me a little bit lonely that even when I am now happier being my true self, this still leads to me being isolated, because I am different from everyone else. My deepest desire is still to find someone I truly belong with, even when I know I belong to God and I am always loved–still, it would be nice to meet someone else who would make me feel less different, less…alone.
Every day I pray an Act of Consecration to my Queen and my Mother which ends with “… Keep me and guard me as Your property and possession.” That’s where I want to belong, in her Immaculate Heart.
Recognizing and accepting that I am wonderfully and beautifully made by God is the first step towards claiming that I belong to Him.
Striving every day to be the “best me” God intended me to be is my way of thanking Him for creating me and of proclaiming that I indeed belong to Him.
Socially.. i find it hard to fit in, especially to new acquaintances..
But by faith.. i find it easy to fit in, its where i think i belong..
At my age, rejection is not a new word anymore.. where else shall go with.. to someone i can be with.. toHim..
Im excluded from my own family because of my separation!
i want to feel the sense of belonging.fitting in will never get you anywhere and will nevee give true happiness.belonging gives you leace of mind and utmost happiness.as you dont need to try so hard,you are yourself.
To focus more on belonging, I want to spend my time and energy on reading, writing, practicing photography, and exercising rather than watching hours and hours of Netflix shows, playing video games, and mindlessly scrolling Reddit.
Having deleted my social media accounts months ago, I felt more and more true to myself. I have realized that when I still had my Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, I tried so hard to fit in by curating each of my posts that caters to both what the people and I want. But since I have no more online connections, I do not live my life for others anymore. I started living my life more deliberately and I know more about myself. I focused more on my relationships with friends and family rather than my followers and strangers in the internet. I felt freedom.
When I began my work life, my history as a not so stellar student kept on haunting me. Wanting to excel and thrive at the work environment, I tried to hard to fit in according to the standards and opinions of the authority figures around me. This was how my anxiety was triggered, I always dealt with thoughts of not enough-ness and feeling like a fraud the whole time. I solved this through overcompensating, jumping through hoops, saying yes when I mean no, at the expense of my well-being. Now I do what I can to always check in myself if I’m struggling or falling into the trap of people pleasing or proving myself to others that I’m worth to be in the space that they’re in as well. It’s an everyday conscious decision to be authentic and true to who you area. I had my best days and not so good days with this. But I want to work on ALWAYS on staying present and centered with myself in stillness so I can feel my God.
During my working career (I’m now a senior citizen & retired), I really felt the need to fit in. It was the only way to advance one’s career. Probably 60-70% of my time & energy was spent fitting in. When I retired & became a senior, I felt less the need to fit in. However, I’m not sure if I started to belong…especially with God. Maybe I was fitting in with another group (seniors?). To belong to God is to have His teachings guide ones actions. And, maybe those are my 1st baby steps…try to act more in accordance with His teachings than the popular opinion.
Rejection is one of my biggest fears… and I still struggle to fit in and try to belong…but I realized that it’s only a superficial part of life.
I know I am loved by God, especially at times when I don’t feel loved by family and friends.
I have learned this to be true, through the lows in my life.
But how do I guide my children to knowledge of God’s love, especially the child who is now in a deep valley of sadness.
Lord, please .
Rejection has been the most difficult. It says something about not being important and being unloved. In a way, it can lead to wanting to fit in. And oftentimes, the things one does in order to fit in are not natural and inappropriate to onself. The result is more frustration and feeling false.
Belonging brings about a sense of happiness. This is because, one becomes united with a group and overwhelmed with acceptance and feeling liked or loved with just being onself.
When you’ve reached rock bottom, fitting in or belonging aren’t the important things anymore. You celebrate small victories towards becoming whole again.
There are four girls in our family. Gtowing up and until now, the three shared the same interest. They have common friends etc. I’m the lesser known 4th sister. Even our father is aware of that (it’s not really a big deal with mom). I’m sure they still have not-so-nice things to say behind my back but they’re like that and I am me. I CANNOT be like them and to be honest, I DON’T LIKE to be like. No judgment here or anything, I’m just not like them. So i think we have grown to ACCEPT our differences. We’re family. They have no choice but to accept and acknowledge that I am their sister. 😉
Like what they say, we can’t choose our family.
With friends and even acquaintances, I am me. Take me for what I am. Even though I there’s a slight difference in how I am with each group, I’d like to think that I am still being myself.
Although I sometimes feel like the third wheel, I know I still belong despite my not sharing in a particular interest because we’re still friends. We still go out and hang out. I will try what they’re into but if it’s not me then they can continue with what they enjoy. They’re still going to be my friends even if we don’t enjoy 100% the same stuff! 😉
There was a time I envied a relative for being close to someone popular. Call it high school but the green eyed monster got the best of me. There were times I wondered and wished to be friends with those that appeared in society magazines aka A listers. However, as time went by, I learned to be grateful. I have friends who love and support me and that’s more than enough.
I’ve spent most of my time fitting in than belonging. I had the habit of just going with the flow even though I do not totally agree with the people around me, just to fit in. I have lost myself in the way and barely had the muscle to sincerely express myself and my honest thoughts. What I say most of the time would always sound pleasing to those around me, more than what I truly feel and think. In a way, fitting in has made me reject myself even before others reject me.
To focus more on belonging, I will try to keep myself attuned to and accept how I really feel and think and express it more openly and honestly. I will try my bestvto express myself better and even more.
I was verbally bullied by some of my classmates back in high school, which is considered outright rejection, but I was fortunate to have other classmates who stood up for me on my behalf. So when I went to university, I resolved to never be a “loser” by being friendlier to people and joining many extra-curricular activities in order to fit in and become more popular. I achieved my goal at that point, and so carried on to my professional life when I built contacts and networks in the course of my career. In other words, I worked hard in fitting in rather than belonging all this time, instead of paying more careful and equal attention to my relationships with God, family and the friends I grew up with. I preoccupied myself that I need to always prove something to anyone so people wouldn’t bully me or put me down again. For the past couple of years, I learned slowly about belonging and don’t care much about fitting in, though I still have a tendency to compare myself to others. I must always remember that I walk my own journey uniquely that what God designs it to be.
I always try to fit myself invert situation.Stressing myself to fit in with others. Lord may you grant me the courage to show myself .
This is very real to me having experienced doing my best to fit-in in a company that I thought had a dreamy work culture, but once in didn’t feel a sense of belonging. Eventually, I got ‘rejected’. There was me keeping up the pretense that I was a ‘culture fit’ but still holding-out and holding on to the ‘real me’. I couldn’t live with myself if I did. Brene Brown was right in saying, “this kind of incongruent living is soul-sucking”. Boy, was I drained every single day —and not by the work itself! The ‘fitting-in versus belonging’
was taking its toll on me visibly, physically, and emotionally. I took refuge and solace in dashing off to church for daily mass. A day at a time, I told myself and found support in other ‘silent ones’ in the company who experienced and felt the same. When the rejection came, it did hurt —ego mostly, since I knew my competence and expertise—but there was mostly a sense of relief. I was free from the pretense. I admit that recently I was feeling a sense of loss/losing out so reading this section of today’s retreat is affirming. I felt the disconnect between perception (of the company) and the reality (I was experiencing). I did not fit in and that is okay. I belong elsewhere.
Fitting in and belonging should always resonate with what you feel inside. Even if others say that “You fit or you seem to be a goof fit in our group.” or “You belong here.” but inside of you, within you, you do not feel that this is so, then you neither fit in nor belong. There is a feeling of calmness and peace, and of safety and acceptance when you know you fit, you belong, you’re home. And your being ‘here’ is acknowledged by both you and by others significant to you.
To live a community life is somehow for me, to fit in… I am not free as who i am… but the reflection from above, lightened up my heavy heart, i have to learn how to belong to this community, not to fit in…
I never really “fit in” but I learned early on in my late teens and twenties that it’s okay to be yourself. Just the same, I found myself envying others from time to time. Their lives seemed less difficult compared to mine. When social media was born, it came to a point when I asked myself if there was something wrong with me. I felt like a failure compared to my peers. It was only one encounter with a very good friend that made me realize that while we may outwardly lead different lives, we are all on the same life journey.
I’ve dealt with rejection, mostly in the workplace. These days, I’ve been trying to get a new, better job and I’ve been rejected many times. I reached a point where I would take all these crazy exams for a much lower position, only to be rejected. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m just too old for this. Or too expensive. The last job I applied to, I was rejected because my last salary was too high. The worst rejection I had was at my last job. I thought I was valued as a team member. But then my former boss and her team rejected me. My former boss was not very good but apparently well-connected. That boss was abusive and I was soon subjected to workplace mobbing. After I gave the company my all! From being a valued team member, I was the pariah in a blink of an eye. After giving all the suggestions and ideas and plans, that boss stabbed me in the back and threw me off a cliff. I do not regret leaving a company with such a boss and co-workers who treated me that way, but it damaged me and my career, in a way. I lost my faith in people after that happened. But I am trying to look past that and forgive them so I can move on.
I think rejection is something we risk facing, especially when we do not mind being ourselves, or stand up for certain values and principles. In the workplace, maging threat ka lang, you are already marked as for punishment and rejection. I find that hard to swallow, but it is part of the corporate world. It is hurtful and dangerous, but if you belong to someone, like friends and family, it hurts less.
Trying to fit in to the group gives the greatest pain. You will never present who you really are. On the other hand to belong means an acceptance of who you are. Being accepted for who you are makes a person achieved his maximum potential. If you accept who you are, you are grateful for your life and to your Creator , the King of Love.
Fitting in has crossed my mind in my younger years but I did not have the time and energy to push it thru. Belonging is something I am working on right now. Giving my loved ones my quality time as much as I could.
I no longer care about fitting in but I also don’t make an effort to belong to God. I realize that I am becoming me-centered. I only care about how I think of myself and what I value. Not giving priority to what the Lord wills for me.
Sometimes I feel rejected when my children and I do not share some religious beliefs and traditions.
I used to care so much about belonging to a group when I was younger but I’m over that. I have the unconditional love of family and a few close friends. More importantly, there is the knowledge that Christ loved me enough to give His life up for me. Now I want to let other people—especially those who feel alone or unloved—know about this.
As a senior, i often feel that I don’t belong in my home where the younger people speak the same language, watch the same Marvel movies, play games, etc., that I feel left out. This has brought me deeper into my inner life — not necessarily of prayer, but of solitude.
I’ve long given up on fitting in or trying to belong …i’ve had it with the superficialities of life
There are times wanted to fit in and guilty of social media envy, i should focus on belonging in to God and following his ways whatever he leads me..
Giving importance more on time with the family and friends and reaching it to others in need
Travelling to places for vacation and eating out in restaurants are two expectations in order to fit in. I should focus on other ways, instead, in order to belong, like calling up and getting in touch with loved ones frequently.
I’ve experienced rejection many times. Looking back, I think all those rejections have lead me to where God thinks I should be. It’s hard to fit in when we are born to belong. Like forcing a circular peg into a rectangular hole, it could be painful and costly.
I Remember going through sets of friends trying to fit in until I found a permanent one in HS. Still I had issues of being accepted and fitting in. Mi realize now that even with my issues of pleasing others and fitting in, I too have rejected others. Rejected others bec they have not fit in my idea of “perfect” friend, parent, family. My rejection of myself I projected onto others. ?
Rejection has always been a big part of my life. The pain is just so big it was always hard to imagine how I managed to bounce back each time. In the end the key was always to remember that there is always someone who will accept you for whoever or whatever you are and that is our ever loving God.
I have rarely cared about fitting in, to be honest. But often, I desire for belongingness — to have a set of friends I could always be vulnerable with, whom I could depend on, and who I could also extend help to. I hope the Lord allows me to tap into my existing circles and enrich my relationship with them.
I am team belonging. I will always be. Rejection can always happen. Ot can be painful but I have a God to whom I belong. That’s what matters.
I agree rejection is most painful. I believe one way to overcome it is by accepting yourself and not try to fit in with others or keep up with the “ Joneses “. Unto yourself be true.
I have often not really bothered if people do not like me, thinking I am being me, true to myself only to realize that I am not accepted by these groups.
Now I wonder if I must change myself so I will be accepted ?
I want to be in His image. I want to belong to God. Is it different
For most part of my life, I have struggled with fitting in so that I can be accepted. This is always an arduous task which at end of the day is rather frustrating. I live by myself and I have managed to be true to what I really wanted but this also has its own shadows. There is a natural desire now to belong to people who matter to me and vice-versa.
guilty of social envy which causes a desire to fit in instead of belonging. I should turn my focus on belongingness not with peers, or social icons or media but in the Lord
What matters most to me now is spending most of my time to people who matter to me – my family and very few genuine friends.
Belonging is better than trying to find a way to fit in. Fitting in is not being true to yourself.
I was recently rejected at the parish I belong to. Thank you for the insight that belonging to the Father is what matters.
If we try to see the bad things in one another, we are planting the seed of rejection. But if we try to see the good things in one another, we are accepting each other, rejection will have no place.