This homily is based on Matthew 2:1-12 for the Epiphany of our Lord.
On this Feast of the Epiphany, we remember the visit of the magi–those astrologers (how many they were, we don’t know) who read the stars and were among the first to lay their eyes on Jesus. They were not exactly kings, but they were certainly wise enough to detect Herod’s schemes and discerning enough to follow the angel’s message to go home some other way. They are, of course, today credited for the the tradition of gift-giving that has in many ways defined the season of Christmas. And so today, perhaps it’s good to think about this business of gift-giving.
When I was a kid, somebody I had never seen before appeared out of nowhere, came up to me, and offered me a piece of candy. I still remember, it was a piece of Juicy Fruit Gum. I immediately recalled my mother’s words: “Don’t talk to strangers. It’s safer to avoid them.” So I did what I thought was the best thing to do: I ran the other way.
Even today, that reaction is quite understandable. If you have no idea who a person is, and we don’t know what his intentions are in offering us a gift, it is better to be suspicious of strangers. Better play it safe.
It’s not surprising how different my reaction would be if the person giving me the same piece of chewing gum is not a stranger, but someone I know—say, somebody who works with me. Even if this person isn’t close to me, my reaction would be very different from my reaction to the stranger. I would no longer be suspicious or afraid. Like most others, I would not even have any second thought about accepting the gift. Unless I’m grown averse to sugar, I would probably immediately unwrap the chewing gum and pop it into my mouth. Because the giver of the gift is not a stranger, but somebody I know—even if only an acquaintance—even if it is the same kind of chewing gum, the same flavor, the same brand, I would have absolutely no difficulty in accepting the gift. Instead of getting suspicious or afraid the way I would feel with a stranger, I would even appreciate the gift and the gesture from an acquaintance.
Not to be materialistic, but I think most of us would appreciate the gift more if it not just any local brand of chewing gum, but an expensive brand of imported chocolate—for example, a box of See’s candies. Even if I’m not particularly brand-conscious, somehow just because the gift is more expensive—and more delicious—I’m sure to end up appreciating the gift–and the giver–more. If an acquaintance one day suddenly gave me imported chocolates, I would not be able to help but tell myself, “What a generous person! Imagine, imported chocolates!”
So, it would seem then that when it comes to people we know, our so-called acquaintances, the value of the gift—how delicious it is, how expensive it is—has a way of affecting the way we look at the person giving the gift. If the gift is not particularly impressive, we would still be grateful to the person giving the gift, but the gratitude we would feel is also only “so-so” compared to our reaction if the gift is something we really like. The gift affects the way we look at the giver of the gift. That seems to be the rule of the game.
But this rule does not apply when the person giving the gift is not just an acquaintance, not just somebody we know, but somebody who is close to us, somebody whom we value, even love. If the person giving us the gift happens to be our best friend, or our closest brother or sister, or parents, or a favorite teacher—or especially a significant other—it doesn’t matter so much anymore what the gift is, how expensive it is, or whether it’s imported or local. If the gift-giver is somebody we truly value, it is no longer the case that the gift affects the way we look at the giver of the gift. Rather, now it is the gift-giver that affects the way we look at the gift. If it’s somebody we really love who is giving us the gift, we would be thrilled to get even just Juicy Fruit Gum. So in the case of someone whom we love and someone we value, it is the person giving the gift that affects the way we look at the gift. Because the giver is somebody we trust and love, because he is a friend, we appreciate the gift almost regardless of its own value.
So, it’s funny—this business of gifts: The person giving us the gift determines the way we value the gift. If it’s a stranger, we get suspicious and tend to consider the gift as something dangerous. If the person is only an acquaintance, it is his gift that affects the way we look at him. But if the giver of the gift is somebody special to us, somebody we love, then it is the person that affects the way we look at his gift.
This whole business of gifts can actually apply to our relationship with God as well. We believe that everything we have is from God. Our life, all our possessions, our parents, our family, our teachers and friends, our talents, the way we are, even the way we look—all these things are gifts from God. So I think it would be good to ask ourselves: How do I feel about all these things? How do I look at them? Because the way we look at these gifts from God, how we feel about them, will tell us about our relationship with God in much the same way that how we look at the gifts we get tells us about our relationship with the persons giving us the gifts.
If we’re not too happy about accepting what we have, if we have difficulty accepting the way our life, career, or relationships are going, the people around us, even the way we are and the way we look; if we’re too worried and suspicious of what’s going to happen to us this new year, maybe the reason is that probably unconsciously, for us, God remains a stranger, someone we do not know and therefore, someone we do not really trust—like that stranger in my childhood who appeared out of nowhere offering chewing gum. If we don’t want to accept our lives, the people around us, and especially ourselves, maybe this means that despite everything we say and do, God is no more than a stranger to us.
Or could it be the case that we appreciate God only when He sends us things we like—getting promoted, victory at a basketball game, new friends, a new gadget? Maybe we feel religious and pray to God only when good things are happening to us. But once things aren’t going so great, we find ourselves liking and appreciating God less, praying to Him less.
If this is the case, I think this means that although we know God and basically trust him, maybe He is really just like an acquaintance to us in our lives, not somebody whom we consider special. Maybe we haven’t reached a point where we have begun to regard God as a special friend. As in the case of other acquaintances, we allow His gifts to affect the way we look at Him: If our lives are going well, we’re crazy about Him. If things aren’t going too well, we think of Him less and pray to Him less. In this case, God is only some kind of acquaintance—like somebody we recognize and greet along the corridor, but that’s all.
As we begin this new year, we are being invited to examine our relationship with God? Do we regard him as a mere acquaintance or–worse–a suspicious stranger? God is inviting us to consider Him a friend, somebody special, and somebody whom we love and value. Only then will we ever be ready to accept everything that will happen to us this new year because we know that if everything that we possess and everything that we are truly come from God, then our life, our talents, our riches, even the people around us—all these must be really good and valuable.
6 replies on “GIFTS AND GIVERS”
Thank for Fr. J for this beautiful homily that makes you look deeper into your real relationship with God. Truly something that can help us everyday for this new year.
Have a blessed 2018!
Thank you Fr. J for this insightful reflection. As the holiday and “gift-giving” season ends- and a new year has just begun, I am invited to reflect upon life as a never ending gift-giving season – through its ups and downs; a graced time to strengthen and cherish deep and true relationships with God and each person placed in my midst. Thank you for sharing your many gifts! 🙂
The way we respond to what we have is an appreciation of God’s gifts daily… Truly it speaks of our relationship with God. Beautiful homily??
Who is God to me? Who am I to God?
This article cuts deep….
It brings me to my past failed relationships, and perhaps why i haven’t found the right partner still.
My relationship with God will never be perfect. I love God and had grown much in my relationship with him. From being religious to spiritual, and both, i continue forward in my interior journey with him.
And yet, there are times when i slide. There are extended times when i lose sight of him and wander aimlessly. But as my good and compassionate Lord always embraces me back into his warmth embrace, i and my previous partners do not do the same. Even if we declare love and allegiance to each one, the commitment is manifest only in words.
And there but for the grace of God go I.
Thank u Fr J